we have officially lost it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
