whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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