The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
