I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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