I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
