I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
