at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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