Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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