The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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