Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
