If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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