i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
