this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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