getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
