a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize