the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
