Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
