I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
