Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
