the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
