After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize