This is not my ceiling
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
