so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
