I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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