I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
