chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
