You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
