I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
