she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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