she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
