My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
