"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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