Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
