tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
