you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
