He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
