I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
