My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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