Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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