You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
