like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
