just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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