hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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