i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
