This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need a beard to bite.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
