I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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