Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
