What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize