I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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