Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
