i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
