dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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