Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
