it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
