We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
