I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
