just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
