More tranny stories later!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
