Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
