I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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