ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
