I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
