do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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