The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize